Whether in the early childhood years or in broken-hearted adults, we actually need to focus on teaching or re-teaching the that it is simply good to be together, then this leads to us doing things together, and finally teaching, after a time, or re-teaching the child or adult that it is good to do things with and for others—the highest moral dimensions. At this point, an ensuing sense of connectedness and companionship turns into the capacity to love others and increasingly have a broader and deeper life-project and a sense of human engagement. These moral dimensions then evolve into a sense of community.

We teach “safe’ by placing almost no demands on the person except for being with the person with a sense of just “being.” At the same time, we need to engage in nurturing and finding relevant ways to express unconditional love. This might seem weird, but the person will learn to feel safe if we lower our demands, but increase our goodness, kindness, and expression of love.

The dimension that is perhaps hardest to understand involves the emergence of self-centeredness after a time of intense nurturing. We want the person to be other-centered and this requires a stretching process, always reminding the person that he/she is safe and loved while asking a slight degree more—waiting a moment, taking turns, sharing, and other virtues.