Whether a mother, father, grandparent, fiend, or a person that we are supporting, the most important variable is the moment, not the future, not a projected plan with outcomes, not behavioral change. No, it is our being present in this very moment and all the the person sees, hears, touches, and feels in this mutual coming together. It is the tiniest amount of time, perhaps two or three seconds. Then, these are linked together with other moments and it is this moment after moment and the evolving chain of other moments that create our moral memory as well as the “other’s.”

In the evolution of Gentle Teaching from a non-aversive behavioral approach to the present introspective approach that centers on the creation of new moral memories, one question is invariably asked, “How do we deal with so and so who hits, bites, kicks, cuts self, runs away, steals, curses, beats her/his head to a pulp, obsesses, hears voice, or does not like to be touched?” Adequate responses and clear example-setting will always be needed. Yet, the present and the future ask that we go beyond this. It presents us with the challenge to create a culture of gentleness, not just focused on the person with challenges, but on the caring community, all directly involved in the person’s life. The only important thing is to be in the present moment with two gifts—”You are safe.” and “You are loved.”