All children come into the world nameless and our first task is to name them. The poet above gave a name to an infant who had no name, Sweet Joy. Babies are born pure and have only distant and cloudy memories of being in the womb. Yet, they had already sensed the world outside the womb: love and hate, peace and turmoil, a tender touch to the mother’s womb or
This naming process or process of self-identification and self-esteem is foundational. Our sense of feeling connected with someone is based on a burgeoning realization that we might be able to feel safe with the other that then gradually becomes stronger and stronger and also begins to spread outwardly to a growing community of caring. Since Gentle Teaching deals with moral development rather than behavioral change, we have to find new
Gentle Teaching is an existential process in which our challenge in the beginning is to simply be in the moment with the alienated person and express unconditional love. This presence must be non-burdensome, almost invisible. It is literally just being with or even near the person and gradually and slowly entering the person’s space. When a marginalized person see us, he/she does not actually see us, but rather “sees” an
Gentle Teaching is primarily for us—you and me. It is for us in that the change that is desired falls on our own self-transformation and the recognition that our central gift is to express unconditional love. It has to bring us to a point at which we reflect on our own change as well as the slow transformation of the other through our own ability to increasingly give or express
This 17 year old young man in the psychiatric hospitals cell returned home after 15 years of incarceration. He had spent most of his time naked in this filthy jail cell, sleeping on a concrete slab, urinating and defecating in a hole on the same concrete slab, and his arms and hands covered with wounds and fecal matter. The hospital had told the child’s poverty stricken parents to leave him
Gentle Teaching is not disciplining toward the alienated person; it is disciplined for the caring community. We have to carve out a structure in the midst of chaos and within the dark cloud of heavy, damaging memories. We have to find ways to enter into this chaos almost without being noticed with the idea to simply be near the person with, at least, a slight hint of being with the
Gentle Teaching is about helping a person feel safe and loved and then building on this foundation. This approach is deeper that dealing with behaviors. It deals with often destructive and chaotic memories that propel a person into marginalization. Addictions, aggression, abusiveness, self-harm, running away, mistrust, and a mountain of other reactions to these memories leave the person disoriented, without a moral compass, and in a state of chaos. Of
Gentle Teaching calls on us to keep our intentions focused on the expression of unconditional love. This love involves a rainbow of feelings including respect, honor, nobility, and kindness. A big part of this expression is to be with the person, especially at the beginning, with no other agenda than simply being with the person. This is the first step. This might mean making sure that our mere presence expresses
Some caregivers find it hard to use the word “love” because they feel that it is too personal and subjective, destroys the needed professionalism in therapeutic relationships, and simply does not belong in the “work” setting. They feel comfortable in their patient-clinician relationship and find the use of the word “love” as improper, culturally inappropriate, and exceedingly subjective. Ironically, in a culture of gentleness unconditional love is the central
It took me a long time to feel comfortable using the word “love.” I knew that was what we had to do , but I felt ill-at-ease using the word. One day I decided to use it because it dawned on me that love was what those whom we serve actually needed. That was the only reason. I do not ask anyone else to use it; I ask that we